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👽 ashnar

👋 Orbiting blissfully, though sometimes less than peacefully. E-ink powered, text fuelled, and jpg weary. You? Nice to meet you.

🗣 Followers 5 · Following 2 · Logs 34 · Docked 7 months ago

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I don't like change.

Cannot stop catastrophic thinking. It's getting better, but damn.

Being out tonight made me realise how much I still struggle at times with sensory overstimulation. Knock on effects impact my balance, vision and increases in Anomic aphasia (word retrieval failure). One year anniversary of stroke. 🎂

And breathe. Still struggling with brain injury.

Going deeper down the usenet rabbit hole. Sabnzbd running with a provider and indexer rss feeds.

I think I'm being pulled into usenet. Any others out there using it for "reasons"?

Anyone out there involved in the "tilde verse"? I am trying to find one to sign up for, but I'm getting no responses.

I can't log in and use my account on midnight.pub. Strange. With and without VPN, different connections and different browsers.

If I spoke to other people the way my inner voice criticises and berates me on everything I ever do, I'd probably have no friends and get beaten up and/or arrested. Make it stop. (⌣_⌣")

We have Gemini. There's the IRC on Libera. Does anyone hang out on a BBS? Something to telnet or SSH into? Any recommendations if so?

Random update. Totally not my blog. Benzo taper: I have started dissolving my benzos in alcohol (small amount). I can then dilute it and portion out the tiny amount I am tapering on far more successfully than trying to chop tiny 5mm tablets and weighing the crumbs. It's more consistent! Paper Planner: I am happy in paper planner land. My diary is checked daily. I track what I need. It's a bit hybrid. I was tracking food, but I am sticking with an online service for that. Miles/distance, exercise type, frequency is on paper. Benzo taper and mood is on paper. As is addressbook, contacts, dates, times, appointments etc etc.

I am learning to appreciate my 'espresso' a little more. The shorter coffee is lovely, but if I just "knock it back" I have to order more and then get hit my too much caffeine. Little sips is all it takes. Take. Your. Time.

I'm stress eating. It's money related and it sucks.

Trying to work out what else to get rid of to lower, or lessen, my digital footprint. Discord(certainly as I barely use it), no active google(will close eventually, it kind of sits there), no meta/insta/etc, no apple. It's all "little services" like traders, forums, the occasional app (like food and sport trackers). Things like goodreads/bookwyrm/etc are vanity services IMHO "I post my books for community engagement and not as a flex, no really...". Don't have that either. Suggestions? Or things that might've been missed?

I am tentatively considering setting up my own server and capsule. Tentatively.

I appear to be rather grumpy and negative due to this benzo-withdrawal bullshit. Is it amplifying my anxieties, or making me see through the bullshit? Maybe both.

The faster we diversify and obscure communications the better. The web has fallen.

This appears to be the place I frequent the most at the moment.

I sold my e-ink phone. It was, or is, aggressively "anti-user". I just want a peaceful life and it was causing me anxiety.

benzondiazapine taper continues. Dropped another chunk (down from 7.5mg to 5mg now). God I feel crappy. Everything is out of proportion. Everything. Struggling with emotions. It'll settle down, but damn.

it's a bit annoying.I've had this Elric book since I was about.... 15. Never read it. Opened it, tried, or it down again and then forgot about it. 35 years later I get round to it to discover that it's not a very good book. That is all.

I keep seeing posts: "Gemini needs to be THIS!" Or "Gemini needs to have THAT!" a YouTube proxy, content, engagement, drive.... Aaaargh! Nooooooo. Just no. But that's just like my opinion, man.

I've worked out that I don't need to track calories with an app. It's faster to scribble it down on paper. In a book. Okay, maybe look up things like eggs, potatoes etc for general energy content but it's quicker and more fluid to do that than: grab phone, log in, open app, press button, do search/scan barcode, find food isn't in DB, take pictures, find OCR isn't working right, re-enter data by hand, press send, adjust content with amount eaten. Click save. It's silly. Same with running/cycling. And my calendar. I feel more present a engaged with my life if I'm actively planning and writing it down rather than scanning, cutting, pasting and posting.

I've gone all-in (almost) on the personal organiser thing. This means I no longer have to fight DAVx, sync issues or cloud storage for: contacts, calendars, appointments, to-do lists, notes, birthdays, food tracking, reading lists, stuff. I'm keeping the exercise tracking because using maps and stuff like that is nice. The rest of it is more fluid with less technology backing it. Weird that. The more convenient things get, the harder they become.

I told someone about gemini, and capsules and stuff. They sounded interested. Quick! Tidy up, we might have visitors!! ^_^

It's somewhat absurd, but I'm on the verge of buying a Filofax/personal organiser. I can keep my numbers, appointments, notes and stuff in it. I will be insulated from online threats to my data. Some of my data. Take last night for example. Went to a restaurant. To order, scan the QR code. Done this begrudgingly before. However, they've updated their system... Now, you scan and use LINE to order. I don't have that. In order to have that I have to sign up. I can't because my number doesn't work. I've tried. Or you use your google or apple ID to sign up. So to order food I have to get a Google account to get a Line account to get the menu. That's bullshit.

I'm at that point where I'm on the verge of totally dropping YouTube from my life. It's nothing but ragebait and BS. There is one podcast that has gone all-in on it rather than spilt feeds over audio and rss, but that's no great loss. Kind of the same reason I dropped TV 25 years ago, apart from a few torrented series it's all shite.

My phone is being replaced and sent back to me. Yay!

Good news everyone! I've started tapering down and coming off the benzondiazapine I've been taking since my stroke. Fucking stuff is evil.

Phone sent off for fixing. Anxious. Hope they honour the warranty m