I think I see it. People say "enshittification," they say "digital detox," they're filled with self-loathing for their wasted lives and endless hours at the reels. A million youtube video "essays" about how the internet is getting worse, and they still propose solutions.

I see the end, I hope. When finally this pile of bits is so unpleasant that we all collectively regain our sanities and return to the real world; none of this is real, and it's better the worse it gets. AI can't ruin it any sooner.

4 months ago · 👍 userfxnet, gabitoesmiapodo, ashnar, martin, arubes, fab

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Note that meeting online != dating app.

Exemple, people with common interest chatting on a discord server. I met a former partner on IRC first and I wasn't there with dating in mind. · 4 months ago

@tomi Maybe you have a perception that most people find their partner in some other setting, and that casual sex is the primary use of dating apps, but that is not actually supported in recent studies.

A higher percentage of couples in the US (the studies were in the US, I don't have data for international rates) meet online than through any other method.

Here's a nice graph: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_online_dating#/media/File:How_heterosexual_couples_have_met,_data_from_2009_and_2017.png

Here's a Stanford Report summary: https://news.stanford.edu/stories/2019/08/online-dating-popular-way-u-s-couples-meet

More: https://www.pnas.org/doi/abs/10.1073/pnas.1908630116 · 4 months ago

@ruby I think most people still do find their partner through spending time with them, without actually dating: mostly at work, while studying, in a non profit association they both are member of, a sporting/hobby club, etc. Bars/clubbbing/parties and friends setup has always been more an exception than the norm.

You might have been lucky but dating apps are mostly useful for casual sex and there is a conflict of interest that inherently makes them terrible to find a long time partner: why would an app makes it so that you find a long time partner and lose a user, possibly a paying one? They'd rather tune their algo so that you are sure to come back. · 4 months ago

You mentioned dating being reliant on the internet as if that's a bad thing. Even before there was a single dating app, the idea of meeting somebody at a bar, or being set up by friends, or trying to convert one of my friends into a romantic partner, all of that was an absolute nightmare to me. The worst possible thing I could be doing with my time. Torture.

I met my current partner through an app and it was a wonderful, relaxing experience. Somebody that I never would have met otherwise, and now we've been married for a couple of years. God, I hope that nobody is ever forced back to the old ways of dating again. What a terrible thing to wish on anyone. · 4 months ago

@ashnar There's a growing fascination with "analog" things in others, too. This is sort of what I mean, you know? It's like fashion: you don't know *why* you know, but your own feelings reflect those of society pretty accurately. Wide pant cuffs are in style, that collar doesn't look right, the doomscroll binge wasn't good for me.

I've been reading more, but the main problem of the internet is that people are lonely, and their only outlet seems social media, parasocial. Can't live on information alone, which is why very few are addicted to Wikipedia the same way they are to TikTok. · 4 months ago

@chirale You're right, but what I'm guessing at here is that this won't be the case forever. Social media itself is entirely a new phenomenon, and it has been gouged for every bit of value as quickly as possible. I don't doubt that a growing population of discontents who wish to experience what their parents might've said about their youths, is slowly forming.

I'm hoping, anyway. This has been a strange 13-15 years of history that I don't expect will continue forever. · 4 months ago

@chirale "Maybe it's an issue of mine, but have you tried to make a friend offline in the last 10 years?"

I did and still do. I will actually visit friends next week in Germany that I met riding my bicycle in a critical mass 2 years ago. For all the addiction there is among the population, there is still a large fraction that usn't interested with their smartphone, barely reply to messages, etc and that you can only really meet and bond with through offline interactions · 4 months ago

I share some of this sentiment, and I'm glad Station doesn't make me feel this way. Almost all interaction I see online now is to amass an "audience" and sell something. Dumb, obvious question or expert advice from someone who's clearly never done the thing. And yes, how much of that was even written by the person themselves vs AI? Weird times! · 4 months ago

I'm going back to books and paper and notes and reading. The less time I spend on the Internet, the better my mental health.

The most recent friends I have I met at work. In real life not online. I keep in contact with family and people I actually have/had physical relationships with. Everyone else over the years has just fallen away.

Shockingly, as adults we don't have a huge amount of people we hang around with. Social circles shrink with age. BUT they become more refined and concentrated. You weed out the crap you don't put up with. But that's just like my experience. · 4 months ago

There's no real world, social networks have already changed how people behave. Smartphone already changed how people interact. The "go outside" is not working. Everyone is enjoying their own bubble. Maybe it's an issue of mine, but have you tried to make a friend offline in the last 10 years?

Smarphones and social networks victims are already documented, w. traffic accidents, addiction, dangerous behaviour, self-harm. But nothing changes in the outside, real world. · 4 months ago

@half_elf_monk Well, can't do much about it, the corporations won't leave a penny un-squeezed. Regardless, I see the attitudes being more and more negative toward the state and value of the internet as of late. I could be seeing biased views informed by my own, but if so, if it leads to people deciding, "you know what, I could stand to go outside," that'd be pretty good.

The internet as infrastructure won't be going anywhere, but I'm hoping it will become a less crucial thing for one's daily life, dating, stuff like that. Sure, pay your bills over it, but maybe it's nice to leave it at that? We'll see. · 4 months ago

well... okay. maybe. But won't an accelerationist approach to enshittification have a lot of casualties along the way? Not just hours wasted, but also like... actual suffering? · 4 months ago