2026-04-15

i'm positively energized and it's got me worrying about hm.. burning out? i mean it in the lightest, non-medical way. i have too many exciting things going on and i want to continue doing them. if i slow down, i'm afraid the fire will go out and they won't be interesting anymore. if i make sure to keep stoking the fires and to keep all the things going, i might crash and burn with doing too much and then won't be able to do anything. or i'll have burnt up the... excitement? and the things will soon be empty shells.

i'm excited about toki pona. i've attempted to learn it multiple times over the years and it seems there is finally enough resources for something to stick with me. i've made significant progress this time around. i finished the wasona course, but i feel that the words introduced in later lessons didn't get enough repetition to properly stick. so i'm trying to "stay in touch" with learning by reading the gamified beginner texts on lakuse's website and chatting with H here and there. it already feels a little "too slow", but... spreading myself between multiple things.

i'm also excited about restructuring this website, also inspired by H. it makes a lot of sense to just use the blogging "posts" as ways to fill out the content on the site itself. i have many things to migrate from the old structure, things to expand on, many new things to write about. this one feels a little overwhelming, though. i don't have the energy to do all the things i want to do, so i worry it'll be a repeat of when i first started the site. i posted all the things and then kind of left it at that stage. so i'm re-doing the beginning. will i progress?? will i be able to tend it over time, when the initial excitement is gone? or should i make use of the excitement and pump out as much as possible? hmm...

and there's a whole load of spiritual stuff i'm excited about. various practices, different texts, journaling about both. this one, at least, feels balanced. you can't really speed your way through spiritual progress (unless that's what you're graced with, i guess?) and the practice is more important than any of the accoutrements and side quests. i'm trying not to read Too much, lest it turns into a distraction and a substitute activity. i'm trying to focus on the practice itself and it's going well. it's balanced in how much energy i'm putting it, but it does feel a little "much" in the sense that everything has the potential of being a spiritual lesson. so all throughout the day i notice little attachments and false selves popping up in my emotional reactions to things, assumptions i'm basing my actions on etc. this itself could be a full time occupation... trying to just notice and not actively try to Do Anything about those. maybe noticing is enough...

wasona toki pona course

lakuse's toki pona texts

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