About Me

Hey, Modeman here!. I'm 21, into radios, computers, and just figuring life out one project at a time. This Gemini capsule is sort of like a reflection of me in digital form. It's a quiet little corner where I dump thoughts, projects, or just things I care about. It's not perfect, but neither am I. It's real, and that's what matters.

(Went ahead and redid the about me page!)

     .--.
    |o_o |
    |:_/ |
   //   \ \
  (|     | )
 /'\_   _/`\
 \___)=(___/

The Early Years!

I've always had a weird relationship with the world around me. As a kid, I found myself naturally pulled toward computers. They just made sense in a way people didn't. I remember messing with whatever tech I could get my hands on, like old desktops, websites made with basic drag-and-drop builders, trying to figure out how the internet worked behind the scenes, even if I didn't understand what any of it really meant yet. I made my first site back in 3rd or 4th grade using some terrible builder tool. It wasn't good, but I was proud of it. It felt like I created something out of nothing which I guess was the start of this whole thing.

But life outside of tech wasn't easy. School was rough. I struggled a lot in just about every subject, not because I wasn't smart, but because I just didn't fit in. Middle school was especially bad. I was bullied constantly, and there were days I didn't even want to go anymore. I had no real friends in person and it wasn't just a phase. That isolation stuck with me. It felt like I was watching life happen through a window, never really part of it. Eventually I ended up switching to cyber school and staying home, which honestly wasn't much better, but at least it gave me some space. That isolation sort of became the norm for a while. I went through most of my teenage years not really having anyone local to hang out with. It was just me, my screen, and whatever project I was getting lost in that day.

On top of that, I've dealt with a lot of mental health stuff that I still struggle with now. I've been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, High Functioning Autism, social anxiety, and something called Nonverbal Learning Disorder (NVLD). That last one makes certain things way harder like reading social cues, staying organized, or handling tasks that need a lot of visual-spatial processing. Most people don't see it because I've learned to adapt, but it's always there in the background. It makes everyday life exhausting in ways that are hard to explain unless you've lived it. But it's part of who I am. It shaped how I see the world and how I navigate it, even if I wish it hadn't at times.

Turning Points: Vo-Tech and Finding What I'm Good At

Things started to shift when I enrolled in the Vo-Tech program for Marketing & Web Design during high school. That was probably one of the first real 'good' chapters in my life. I was finally doing something I actually enjoyed in an environment that didn't make me feel completely out of place. For once, I wasn't the weird one or if I was, I was surrounded by other weird ones like me. The projects felt meaningful, and the teachers weren't just going through the motions. I got to use my skills in ways that felt real. That was the first time I thought maybe I actually could do something with this whole tech thing beyond just messing around on my own.

Even with that, I still carried a lot of doubt. Years of feeling like a screw-up or not good enough don't disappear overnight. But the Vo-Tech program gave me some confidence, and more importantly, it gave me a direction. That was a big deal.

Ham Radio and Everything It Changed

Ham radio entered my life in 2023, and I honestly didn't expect it to hit me the way it did. I'd known about it before ' watched videos here and there, like The Modern Rogue messing around with radios ' but it always seemed like something that other people did. Then one day I decided to just go for it. I studied, passed the exams, and got my callsign. I didn't think too hard about it at first, but once I got on the air, something just clicked.

It gave me a way to talk to people without the pressure of being face-to-face. It gave me community, structure, and a real sense of purpose. I started with digital modes like FT8 and BPSK-31, then moved into voice, then Parks on the Air (POTA). That feeling of calling CQ and having someone come back ' from across the country or across the world ' was like magic. But it wasn't just about the contacts. It was about the people I met through it. For the first time in my life, I found people who understood me, who were into the same niche stuff I was, and who actually wanted to talk. Some of them are even my age, and now they're real friends. The kind you actually hang onto.

Ham radio gave me something I'd never had: a way to feel like I belong. And not in a fake way. Not in a 'we tolerate you' kind of way ' but genuinely. It's become more than a hobby. It's a lifeline.

Tech, Tinkering, and the Constant Pull of IT

Even before radio, tech was always my thing. I never stopped building stuff, breaking stuff, and trying again. These days I bounce between Linux, server setups, backend scripting, and running weird experiments with VPNs, ham data systems, local networks, you name it. I've set up fully self-hosted servers, done DNS routing, played with audio routing for SDR rigs, and tried building my own little slice of the internet over ham radio. Some of it works. Some of it breaks. That's part of the fun.

I've worked in WordPress and backend web development, and I do a lot of self-teaching ' not just out of curiosity, but because I want to turn this into a career. I was working in the field for a while until I got let go from my last job, which yeah, sucked, but it didn't stop me. If anything, it lit the fire more. I've been taking on projects again, applying what I know, and trying to grow my skills however I can. I know I've still got a lot to learn, but I'm not afraid of that. I'm ready to prove myself ' to find something that actually lets me build and solve problems and feel like I'm making a difference.

Where Things Stand Now

I still struggle with anxiety, especially social stuff. I still have bad days where I feel like I'm stuck or like I'll never fully "fit in" anywhere. But that's okay. The stuff I've been through ' all the crap growing up, the bullying, the setbacks ' it shaped me. And it's why I care so much about helping people now. I try to be the kind of person I wish I'd had around when I was younger.

Whether it's explaining how something works, troubleshooting a system, or just being there for a friend, I get told that I have a way of making things easier to understand. That means something to me. It's not just about the tech ' it's about the people who use it.

If you're still reading, thanks for sticking with me. This capsule isn't meant to be fancy or perfect. It's just a place to share what I'm working on, what I'm thinking about, and sometimes just random late-night ideas that might never go anywhere. But it's all me. Real, honest, and a little messy.

Feel free to look around. I've got blog posts, project writeups, probably some rambling thoughts, and maybe even something that helps you out. And if you're a ham, hit me up on the bands. I'm always around ' usually somewhere on HF, running JS8, FT8, or whatever mode I'm experimenting with that week.

Thank you for taking the time to read through my story!

73!

Modeman