I read two or three self-help/transformation/philosophy books in the 
last few months: Robert Anton Wilson's _Prometheus Rising_, Eckhart 
Tolle's _The Power of Now_, and _A Course in Miracles_ by the Foundation 
for Inner Peace. I read and reflected just enough to have, months later, 
some trickling insights:

"under the present brutal and primitive conditions on this planet, every 
person you meet should be regarded as one of the walking wounded. we 
have never seen a man or woman not slightly deranged by either anxiety 
or grief. we have never seen a totally sane human being"

Much of what aggravates someone's pain-body or agitates them to 
hostility is what's etched in their reality tunnels, or projection of 
what they can't abide in themselves. 

My breakthrough with this: I'm not as cut by the walking wounded when 
their hostilities emanate. I'm not responsible for how they started 
their day, their last interaction ten minutes before our encounter, how 
they were raised. I am responsible for learning how to protect myself
against their (un-)conscious hostilities, and how not to exacerbate and 
escalate their and my hostilities so our next encountered humans will
suffer our negativity and pass it along.

I had a recent interaction where I complained about something a few 
others complained about, and I vented. Then I thanked the person for 
being present to my 'leeching out' of my bilious humeur, and he said my 
pretentiousness offended "the fuck" out of him.

I thought "okay, he's venting too." And I let it go. I told everyone he 
had a right to free speech, the moment he stated his boundaries I read, 
respected them, and let it go, while his pain-body was projecting with 
"always" statements to describe one-time events, aggrandizement and 
hyperbole. I talked to three other people, and in each of those interactions, 
he butted in with his hostilities. He was enough of a public nuisance where a
 witness to his behaviours called in the Admin of Admins, who mediated 
between us.

The Admin of Admins opened by telling me the positive qualities he saw 
in me: fun, funny, clever and kind. He said that he relievedly did not 
have to "mince words" or divine the intent of the other -- in his own 
words he was "out to pick a fight." There used to be rules in the 
community:
- invite only people you know to be kind and caring, and who are open 
to loving correction.
- should those invitees engage in conflict or rules violation, the 
inviter is responsible for them.

I was proud of myself for being present, for recognizing the other was 
one of the deeply wounded, and examining/evaluating each statement as either 
projection or True/False in an objective way. Nobody else congratulated 
me for refusing to escalate this.  I have deep respect and regard for 
the person who invited me, although of course as individuals we don't 
agree on everything. I learned to check my assumptions and get an 
objective opinion from a witness if I was at risk of projecting my 
pain-body and seeking offense where none was meant. As I see myself as 
the lowest, I figured everybody else was at a higher development in 
enlightenment and self-transformation. Seriously I have received 
Buddhist philosophy books from these members. 

I told the other of our exchange his actions were prone to bestowing 
'chilling effect' in that community members would refrain from venting in a 
channel meant for venting, knowing a precedent for verbal attacks had 
been set. I did not leave the channel but I no longer attended, as I 
left for my "Maycation" of social media. I had  mentioned this intent of 
a Maycation right before his attack, so who knows if he thought he'd 
have the last word.

The upshot is that after those readings -- I am still making my way 
through _A Course in Miracles_ -- I see people's upsets where I do not 
see my intent to offend them. They state their boundaries, I recognize, 
respect and abide by the boundaries; their pain-bodies shouldn't compel them 
to continue with me as if I'm intended to fulfill some scripted transaction 
they need for emotional release, as if they expect some metaphorical 
pellet-reward for pushing my buttons or passing along their negativity. 
I see how freeing for me it is to observe the other as like me, one of 
the walking wounded, but to not engage past their labels and attacks. I 
wouldn't be much of a teacher, to let them continue their unconscious 
patterns until they've met their objective in passing along negativity. 
I feel better, and closer to enlightenment, but still guarded about 
self-revelation in the cesspit of aspirational reputation voodoo known 
as commoditized, centralized social media networks.