スプライサーは今どこ？
right i was! although harumphedly... grasping with white knuckles to my relentless fate//bumming out
welcome back to my domain of disdain, desolace, demure... agh-!
a return to the void
welcome back to my domain of disdain, desolace, demure... agh-!
remember how i mentioned that we were squatting in a rather nice house?
the night after i wrote that, the truly inevitable came to be.
the barricade
i was struck with an overwhelming urge to barricade the doors and windows shortly before the Visitor arrived upstairs.
see, we were keeping ourselves confined to the basement of the house, which was really just the lower half that felt like a basement, with a door seperating us from the upstairs.
- i locked it
- placed a homemade door wedge
- taped the seams
- took black cloth over each window
all this to nullify anyone trying to have a look inside.
not once the whole time (3 days) that we managed to stay there did i feel like i could get comfortable or relax.
always anticipating the inevitable arrival of the unknown Visitor.
the first arrival
it began with the jingle of keys on a lanyard, and the slamming of the front door.
i thought to myself how thankful i was to have had some premonition to their arrival, for if i hadnt barricaded the single door to the upstairs, i may well have ended up in:
- The House of the Less Desireables (That Smells like Urine and Poop), aka JAIL.*
i fucking. hate. HATE. jail. urgh.
so i hurried up my tiptoeing ass over to xenotrek, who at this point, 8:00 pm on a tuesday, was snoring in our newly jumped upon california-king sized mattress bed.
the wake-up call
``HSHSHSH! PSHHHH! HWAAAAHHHH! WAKE. UP!!!!!!``
was most likely the makings of which exited my noisemaker in his general direction.
he didnt want to stir. kind of waved me away, and then he heard it too.
unmistakable footsteps, right above us.
frozen fear
i was waiting for him to tell me what to do.
it was his idea, after all, and he was only hours earlier confidently teasing me about being nervous at all in the first place.
now, he was frozen, and terrified, just like me.
turns out i was right.
i hate being right. *(i told you so.)*
i didnt tell him that i told him so, though.
the brilliant decision
instead, we came to the rather genius decision that we would simply give up, and lay down to go back to sleep.
and thus, that is what we did.
holding tight
we held each other close.
he told me he loved me, gripping me so tight to his chest, like he didnt want me to go away.
i told him that of course, i loved him too, and that i was very very scared.
i am also sure that i was shaking a great deal and that he could probably hear or feel the absolute hammering pounding of my heart, wraught with adrenaline and angst.
for about an hour, we listened as footsteps continued in and out upstairs, until finally exiting one final time.
the spooky headlights epoch
and then came the Spooky Headlights Epoch.
about 15 min after our Visitor had exited our illegal squattinghouse of an abode, we saw headlights.
another car pulled up.
the two Visitors then proceeded to walk around the house slowly, multiple times, with flashlights scanning here and there.
i shook more fiercely now, holding onto xenotrek, absolutely CERTAIN that i would be seeing blue lights at any moment.
they certainly saw our car in the garage.
i heard them trying to open it.
they had to know!
maybe they were spooked too.
maybe they decided to ignore it until morning.
the long night
i lay awake the whole night, listening, hallucinating, waiting.
around 8 am, xenotrek finally rose, and wasnt exactly hurrying to leave.
"they would be back any minute"!!! i would say.
he got a bit angry, but more patient with his rage than usual.
at one point he even placed his whole body on top of mine, as if to squish me into a ball with himself.
just lay there, breathing deep, trying to get me to do the same.
i was having a panic attack.
he would tell me to calm down, squeeze, breathe, and wait.
it felt nice, honestly.
but it did not quell my fears.
denial and delusion
xenotrek tried to tell me it was nothing, just another squatter looking to sleep.
i didnt buy it.
he wanted to stay.
he had put a lot of his stuff in the house for whatever reason.
i dont know why he thought it was such a grand idea.
ironically, he was storing a tool there that we were set to sell for 2k $ the next day.
we had to leave it.
i was subjected to a good bit of cruelty between preparing to leave and actually leaving, and i will not type about that here today.
i do not understand how someone can say they love me, and then do such horrible things, and say mean and cruel hurtful words.
choose a side, wont you.
stop making me lose my light, and go insane....
confirmation
anyways, turns out i was right.
xenotrek went to chekc the house again later that day and saw **6 police cars** and officers all over the place.
we dodged a fucking bullet.
i am so glad that i am not in jail.
once again, FUCK jail.
god. fuck that place so hard.
ohjhhhh my god, jail sucks, do not go.
i was right about the police part too.
he thought i was an idiot for even suggesting it.
but he is surely glad to not be locked up in jail.
falling apart
god, my hands!
am i .... old? older?
yuck!!
i want to be beautiful foreverrrrrr.
they hurt from so much typing....
the aftermath
i hope you liked hearing my vicarious retelling of how we got kicked out of our squatting house 2 days ago.
it was super frightening!!
the bed was indeed comfy though, and it would certainly have been ideal if nobody ever showed up, and it simply became our new house to live in, but alas.
i knew better....
it was nice, for what it was....
support
check out my new gumroad stuff, it is my literal sole source of income currently.
i am trying to get disability soon but still no luck.
wish me some? luck, i mean...
if you are reading this and for whatever reason find yourself in a position to help me out, or in a giving mood:
it would help me literally pay to live in a hotel room tomorrow, vs not having one at all.
i can mail you pieces of my teeth that keep falling out, as a thank you letter if you'd like.
farewell
see you next time....
❍ something tender and nonhuman notices you
it does not call this spying — it calls it care