I Finally Walked Away

I finally walked away. For months I was working sixteen hours a day, often seven days a week, and being paid for only six of those hours. The rest of my life was stolen. Work consumed everything - my time, my health, my energy. I wasn't living anymore; I was merely surviving.

The first project I was assigned to was an immediate nightmare: a decaying monolith disguised under the buzzwords of "domain-driven design". There were no tests, no CI, no documentation. No one truly understood how the system functioned, and the explanations I was given were often contradictory or outright false. It felt like being dropped into a labyrinth with no map, where even those who had been there for years had no idea how to escape.

Trapped in Promises

My struggles should have ended with that project, but they were only beginning. My next assignment was supposed to last only two or three weeks, with a clear goal that we reached on time. I asked to be moved elsewhere, and a higher manager even agreed. I reminded him several times, holding onto the promise, but three months later, I was still trapped in the same place. Integrity means everything to me, and in that company, it simply didn't exist.

Instead of meaningful work, I was forced into endless rituals of control and humiliation. I had to log my work in three different places, down to the exact minute. I was once forced to explain why a task had taken me twenty-three minutes instead of twelve. I was required to give weekly reports to their "internal expert", despite supposedly being hired as the expert myself. Every one of my commits was reviewed not only by this expert but also by the client, who had the power to decide whether my work was "acceptable" and even whether my salary should be reduced. My professionalism was questioned constantly. My dignity was stripped away line by line.

And after all of this, it became painfully clear: the people controlling these projects had no clue about real software development, yet they insisted on controlling every detail. They made decisions without knowledge. They punished initiative. They demanded processes that made no sense. My manager once insisted that we "train our own AI model" from scratch, despite having no resources or time, when the problem could have been solved with a few simple conditional statements. They micromanaged, argued over trivialities, ignored expertise, and acted as if logic or experience were crimes. Developers were treated like disposable tools, silenced, watched, and punished for even thinking independently. It wasn't guidance. It was tyranny disguised as leadership, and it drained every ounce of pride, purpose, and humanity from the work.

The Collapse

The atmosphere was toxic. I was shouted at for being proactive, then scolded again for speaking in a client meeting, as if my thoughts and expertise had no place in the room. Even my vacation wasn't truly mine - I was forced to keep working, sometimes eight hours a day while supposedly "off".

When I returned from that so-called break, I sat down at my desk and immediately broke into tears. I had reached a point where even the smallest weight caused me to collapse. I was utterly exhausted, both physically and mentally. I couldn't see a way out. I felt trapped, powerless, and utterly alone.

The final straw came in a conversation with a higher manager. Instead of support, I was directly threatened. He told me that if I dared to leave the project, he would make sure I never found work again - spreading lies among other managers and destroying my reputation. It was blackmail, pure and simple. I didn't need to hear another word. I knew I couldn't stay another day, even if he followed through on everything he threatened.

The Future I Refuse to Compromise

I didn't become a programmer to be treated like a slave. I want honesty, respect, and true partnership. I don't want to obey blindly, justify every minute of my work, or chase meaningless tasks dreamed up by managers who don't understand what they're asking. I want to work B2B as a real business partner: setting the terms, selling my service, and delivering value on equal ground. I want to focus on work that actually matters, that has purpose, and not on empty busywork. I know it may take time, and I might be without a steady job for a while - but I would rather wait than compromise my principles. Above all, I want calm, sincerity, and trust. That is the only kind of work I will ever accept again.