25/03/06 - impatience

over the past few years, i seem to keep running into the same personal obstacle repeatedly, and i have yet to resolve it.

i guess i was a "gifted child"; certain things that others struggled with seemed to come naturally to me. no matter that i flunked my high school japanese course, and almost flunked out of chemistry - i could solve a rubik's cube in 20 seconds, so i was smart.

unfortunately, an unexpected side effect of this turned out to be a habit of taking things only as far i could get them easily, and as soon as i would start plateauing, i would lose interest. guitar, bass, the aforementioned cubes, calligraphy, and many more.

and so i was stuck in this loop of picking up new hobbies, learning the basics, and dropping them as soon as the going got rough. i became a true "jack of all trades, master of none." better than most people at many things, but not really very good at much of anything.

now, several years later, i find myself running into this barrier time and again, but consciously this time.

there are so many things i want to do, so much that i want to learn.

but all of those things take effort. they take time, and patience. most of all patience with myself; because as soon as i find myself struggling with something, my frustration in my own lack of skill ends up distracting me from what i'm trying to accomplish.

there are quite a few apps that i would like to have and don't exist, scripts that i wish were written. but i can't seem to bring myself to face my lack of skill for long enough to properly learn how to code those tools, and so i live without them.

maybe one day i'll learn patience with myself, and i'll start to make real progress in the things that i would like to be good at.

contact me at: tsukaj@tilde.club