Practice

I am a practicing Buddhist, I guess.

Background

I have always been fairly nonreligious, being raised in a permissive environment that encouraged questioning. I still attend services with my family sometimes, but it's never been a big part of my life. Similarly, by virtue of lacking an overbearing religious upbringing, I never felt too much affinity with hardline atheism as a movement and agnosticism has always seemed like the most robust position to me. I did however think New Age belief was all one big bag of nonsense and meditation's association with it made it something I avoided as well.

In the late 2010s, I finally came across the work of one of those emphatic atheists in detail, and through their combined skepticism and endorsement of meditation, as well as a period of openness to experience, I started to learn to meditate. In the early 2020s, I recognized that I lacked the discipline for a self-directed daily practice and sought out a center nearby. In particular, I was attracted to the Vajrayana tradition for the directness of its "highest" teachings and the emphasis it places on a teacher-student relationship.

Weekly mediations

At least once a week I attend group meditation at my local center, which takes about an hour. It is a guided meditation led by a Rinpoche, when he is in town, or projected onto a screen, when he is not. There are four specific guided meditations he rotates between each week and they all follow roughly the same course.

• a brief explanation beforehand
• meditation on the four applications of mindfulness which are the focus of the lesser path of accumulation (this is the bulk of the time spent)
• seconds to a couple minutes of "actual" meditation of the type focused on that week
• sometimes a brief prayer and/or mantra recitation, varying by the focus of that week
• plain English dharma, generally just good life advice and encouragement
• a moment of gratitude, or in more traditional terms, dedication of merit

Daily life

• Shamatha (calm abiding), mostly anapasati (mindfulness of breath)

The bulk of my practice is off the cushion. I have yet to put a lot of that to words. Some are common practices, others of my own devising. Here are a few specific examples.

• When putting on my large mala, I recite the Four Immeasurables prayer, one line with each wrap around my arm.
• Living in a city, it's common to hear sirens, and often that might mean someone is experiencing the worst day of their lives in some form or another. I try to be mindful of that and practice a crude form of Tonglen, exchanging self with others, when I do.
• When I feel bad about doing something not up to my ethical standards, or when I'm in a shower and just feel the need for purification, I recite the hundred syllable Vajrasattva mantra.
• I don't eat tetrapods. If I knowingly eat meat, I try to repeat a short mantra beforehand. Ostensibly this grants the animal one human rebirth in their next life, but even if it didn't, it's a moment to pause between my hunger and consumption.
• My small shrine has a tabletop Buddha fountain. Sometimes I do a modified water offering with that. Or hold the vajra and ring the bell when the urge strikes.
• Kurt Vonnegut said:

I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, "If this isn't nice, I don't know what is."

Commitments

In Vajrayana sometimes teachings are only considered fully transmitted if the student accepts and keeps certain vows. Presently I have only two:

• One recitation of the mantra Om Mani Padme Hum everyday
• A summary of the Buddha's teachings from Dhammapada verse 183, explained to me as "do no harm, do your best, tame your mind" (easier said than done!)

Goals

Insofar as it isn't totally nonsense to think in these terms, I am trying to keep my progress and don't bite more than I can chew. What I'm working on adding right now are:

• extend daily practice into guru yoga or a full tantric sadhana
• physically exit my normal circle, find examples of happiness, and rejoice in it
• accumulating 100k Manjushri mantras in preparation for another practice (at 30k)
• incorporating prostrations, which has the added benefit of a little exercise

It is almost certainly nonsense to think in these terms.