this is the last

online will and

testament

of someone whose

online journey

began in the late

1980s by visiting

"local bbses"

and then the

internet proper

in the early 1990s

via an early linux,

whose distribution

name the author no

longer remembers

obtaining a linux

distribution at

2400 baud wasn't

trivial

downloads were

easily disrupted

by phone line

glitches/hiccups,

requiring

reconnecting,

requiring starting

a download all

over again

and then installing

such a beast on

specific hardware

was hardly a

licketty split

affair

all this was

driving by self

need for contact

with others,

which seemed

prohibitively

difficult in

real life

and so the

possibility

of attaining

unto it online -

especially knowing

others online would

automatically have

at least one thing

in common due to

being interested

in and capable

of accomplishing

getting online in

the first place

- seemed both

possible and

exciting

and although it

was soon realized

to be a form of

denial-based "hope

against hope", the

author persisted

in it for over

three decades

but it's not really

the internet per

se that's been

disappointing

it is, as usual,

people

the internet is

merely a reflection

of the character

and subsequent

behaviors of many

people collectively

an "emergent

property", if

you will

and people

goddamned

motherfucking suck

that includes you

and that includes

me

the whole lesson of

online life is no

different than that

of offline life

it's to see beyond

a shadow of a doubt

that what we take

to be ourselves

is merely a mental

phantom taken to be

more than a phantom

and it couldn't

be more poorly

defined as be-ing

a free-will entity

/ self / person /

individual utterly

separate from

all else

that definition

guarantees misery,

disaster, and so on

online is merely

yet another search

for the "right"

person/people

but the actual

problem persists

in fact, it drives

the search for

being an utterly

isolated, lonely

*seeming* entity

even the writing

of this is

fundamentally yet

another pathetic

attempt by an even

more pathetic

pseudo entity

whose ex-istence

is maintained by

implications of

words that there

could and must be

such a thing

except there isn't

know that deeply

and be free of

the illusion

no, not free

*person*ally

but free of

the illusion so

all-together that

there's no longer

a sense of there

being such a thing

to be experiencing

such a thing

this page may be

updated again

or it may not

it's hard to say

because the

seeming sayer is

an illusion that

could no longer

be reflected in

the puddle called

"mind"

just

like

~

all through the day

i me mine

i me mine

i me mine

(i.e. the sort

of thoughts

that presuppose a

person/self/individual,

and thus seemingly

make it so/real)

~

haven't read a

single blog or

forum or newsgroup

in many days now

also stopped

playing a

particular

solitaire game

this issue?

all such feed

the sense of

being a separate

free-willed self /

person / individual

willing and doing

things

because of that,

they're all

miserable pursuit

as is all pursuit,

really

given what we truly

are is complete,

never unavailable

never less than all

this activity is

no different than

those listed above

and thus is clearly

begging for misery

inasmuch as

insisting one is a

free-willed self /

person / individual

couldn't be

otherwise

~

huh

yet another

week

without searching

for and/or reading

blogs

fora

whatever the

goddamned fuck

there's no need

aka want

aka lack

why look

when it's obvious

the looking is

merely

a symbol of

(did "you" read

that missing line

correctly?)

~

repurposed the

http version of

this for a vastly

more important

web project

so, down to gopher,

gemini, and nex

~

'the mind is only

the thought 'i'.

we should

apperceive what

'time' is,

that it is not

an independent

objectivisation but

is an essential

part of the

objectivisation

of our apparent

'selves'.

he continued:

'ignorance

(the concept of

'time') is the

obstruction. get

rid of it and all

will be well. this

ignorance (the

concept of 'time')

is identical

with the 'i'

thought. seek its

source and it will

vanish'.

my objective

self only has

a conceptual

existence.

non-objectively i

am the apparent

universe.

identifying

myself with my

conceptual object

is what constitutes

bondage. realising

that my conceptual

object only exists

in so far as it and

its subject are

this phenomenal

absence here and

now—constitutes

liberation. i am my

phenomenal absence.

how can a shadow

eliminate itself?

"<name>" is

a shadow of i

am. (note: *not*

the thought of

i am)

abide in awareness,

with no illusion of

person == look at

awareness source

with no taking

of a shadow of

awareness source to

be awareness source

all thinking other

that the i-thought

is subordinate to -

i.e. nested under -

i.e. in support of

- i.e. a subset of

- i.e. derivative

of - the i-thought

links:

http://sufficient.freeshell.org/Seekers/