fatherhood

About two years ago, I lost my father.

A few weeks ago, I came to know I am going to be one.

My emotions underwent a rapid change when I first found out. From fear, to anxiety then exhilaration and finally happiness. It took me a while to take the decision. Lots of discussion and thinking between me and my wife, and finally we found the answer from god. We went to a temple and I told her to ask Mahadev what she should do. When she came back the confusion was absent from her face. It was a little bit early in our marriage, but I guess that's how my life is. Everything is a tad bit early.

I was placed in school a year before everyone else. I was sent to boarding school earlier than most. I got a job right out of college, ( which cannot be said for most of my contemporaries). I got married at the age of twenty three, and now a child.

My dad, whatever he did in his professional life, never let me feel the lack of things. He would always bring me things that I wanted, not needed. He sent me to a school far away just so I could get a good education when the family could barely afford it. My spending habits in the early days were not something I would call sustainable, and yet he helped me sustain them. I guess he was not a good father in techincal terms (not spoiling the kids, teaching discipline, et cetera) , but he was always good to me. Always smiling.

Now that I am going to be a dad I think of all things I thought as a kid that started with:

If I was a dad, I would....

Guess it is time to implement those ideas and find out how wrong I was.

Replies

Just make it and keep it the highest priority. There's a merciless developmental entropy that'll eventually beat you silly if you don't - and what I've heard to be unfathomable reward if you do - despite the latter probably not seeming possible most of the time.

I blew it, hence my attempting to put this in no uncertain terms.

Big congratulations ~orchard. Wishing you and your family good health and a happy bouncing baby!

Bartender, could you pour me a pint of Neck Oil, please?

Cheers, Orchard! I'm a new father of a 5-month-old, and it's a wild ride.

I wasn't sure I wanted a child, let alone be prepared for one. My 20s were wonderful, I could do anything, go anywhere, and had a lot of fun. However, ultimately, it was meaningless.

Now I'm a Dad, although it's unimaginably hard, it's beautiful. When she looks into my eyes, with a bright smile and giggle, the world is phenomenally spectacular, emotional, and meaningful. It's quite hard to describe, but I'm sure you will feel it too.

Have fun with your wife, and enjoy planning for a bright future.

Congrats!

~bartender? Whatever fancies soon-to-be-Dad, its on me! I'll go for a hot chocolate with spices. No, its not only the weather, but some itch in my throat has developed lately ...

Dear ~orchard, I'm giving you 3 items of unwanted advice. But don't listen to me too closely, because I don't have children myself (for a number of interrelated reasons, none of them important here).

• Good enough! --- It is ok, if you are doing, what you can. Don't ruin yourself. That does not help anyone. My parents sure did, what they could, occasionally a little more. Only later I have come to understand what was involved.
• Don't forget your own relationship! --- My brother an his wife established the habit of having one evening per month off (no children for a few hours). That way the children learned early on to be at grannys or aunties place for a night, or to be content with a baby sitter (a young lady from the neighborhood). These evenings were crucial to keep their adult relationship alive.
• Having children young is good! --- My sister had her first baby with 23 iirc. And with 45 or so she told me: I'm sure glad I had my children early. I'm not 60 and my children have left home to pursue their own life. What a wonderful position to be in!