dick van dyke is one hundred years old. i think it's finally time to start watching the dick van dyke show

doing the bare minimum is actually the maximum i can acccomplish

having two kids is actually impossible and nobody has ever done it

kinda makes it worse that this is such a beautiful miracle and we are so blessed to have two healthy happy children. like i'm not allowed to feel bad because of how lucky we are. but i feel soooooo bad every other minute

caring for a newborn child really feels like playing a weird video game. i can't explain it well but it's like the same part of my brain. so much of it is learning strategies and responding to things. my daughter truly is like a very delicate and fragile blob of flesh that makes me do tasks in very specific ways. what video game is that?

it really, and truly, does, suck to suck

im supposed to be better than that. im supposed to be better

i dont use a.i. to write, but it's not because i'm better than a.i. at writing. it's actually the opposite

confidence is compelling but certainty is off-putting

the greatest burden Jesus carried was loving everyone, every single one, without exception

none of this is necessary but all of it matters

lately i keep seeing people in my periphery, but when i look no one is there. i think this means something

it is natural for unnatural things to become natural

considering abstaining from my wife's family's secret santa this year

robin from batman voice: "holy Christ, Batman!"

maybe every single thing is exactly how it seems

funny that ghosting somebody and haunting somebody are like exact opposite things

really does feel like there should be a Meet The Parents sequel called The Godfocker

id-queso

someone at some point must have done a double feature of ROOM (2015) and THE ROOM (2003). i cant imagine the emotional whiplash but i kinda wanna try it

parasocialite

new month just dropped: they/thember. for the nonbinary only

also new: saying "my stummy" instead of stomach/tummy

everything that happens to me is happening to me

i am with insatiable loneliness

i just really miss miller lite

has an email ever made you cry?

strange thing happens where i love cleveland a lot more when im not there. i am currently there but i know if i were anywhere else i would want to come back

my primary emotion at all times is guilt. anxiety a close second

i love writing emails. i hate clicking send

i think my biggest fear is that it's all my fault

all my life i have been trying to find the formula for moo-lah

the only kind of poetry i like is the kind i see on flounder.com (which is, i think, a funny nickname for flounder.online)

the only universal experience is the passage of time

i got nothin

2018 would have been a good year to make a "MaLala Land" type joke. 2025 is not the time

the thing i hate about a24 is that i love what they do. a hat that says "MALE FRIENDSHIP" simply rocks. and i love so many a24 movies. but i cannot support the merch-ification of cinema (even though iLOVE MERCH)

feels like you should not be allowed to swear over email

flounder is such a cool place. im trying to figure out how to articulate how cool it is but i keep coming up short. i love the way it shows updates from people's files as they happen. i love how everything feels so manual (especially stuff like tagging people - a cultural feature, not a technical one). i love how everyone here just seems so cool. the biggest thing it's missing is people i actually know in real life. it's a big ask, especially for those used to big tech platforms that feed you and express from you so immediately. maybe it's for the best that none of my friends will see this. but i miss them

boggles my mind that there are people in this world who do not love jack black. a few months ago someone told me they didn't like school of rock. feels like that should not be possible

it's not fair that tim robinson is good at skateboarding

everything i know about parenting i learned from this video

i want to matter. i want to be a man of consequence. i want to make important things. i want to be part of the class that creates culture. i want to be transglobal and transuniversal. i want to be influential. i want to be big. i want to be known. i want to be understood. i want to be felt. i want to be bedrock, foundation, household. i want to be your favorite film director's favorite film director. i don't even want to be a film director. i want to be lauded. i want to be spread, disseminated across all the internet circles and analog channels. i want to be admired and respected. i want to be legitimate and real. i want to make real art. i want to do real things. i want to be loved. i want all of these things because i go on instagram. i should stop going on instagram

has anyone ever said "more like Mr. Least"? that would be a good burn on Mr beast

what if 2025 is the year i get really into yu gi oh. who's gonna stop me

i think all my problems would be solved if i started vaping

last week tonight would be so much better if there were no jokes or commentary

my love language is javascript

i have been making music for so long. and im never gonna stop

there should be an MCU but about me and my friends

God grant me the serenity

i will never forget that when i was a kid my friend one time was telling that joke that's like "why is 6 afraid of 7?" over and over again. but it devolved to the point that he just kept saying "why is 6 afraid of 7? because the bug in the tree!" and it was the funniest thing I have ever heard in my entire life to this day. we laughed for hours on that

crowd work? no it doesn't!

parody of the song "Tequila" but it's performed by the minions and instead of tequila they say "Banana"

remi wolf is chappel roan for people who like music

was in the process of searching for "the muppet Christmas carol" but got distracted. so i had just typed "muppet Christ" into the search bar. did not hit enter.

making a letterboxd but for dreams

you know what they say... when in vegas... stay in vegas

i love my teenage daughter. she is one year old

no one on letterboxd seems to share my affinity for Kong: Skull Island

my initials are jsm. that stands for java script maxwell

my wife is a queen 👑

my daughter is a princess 👸

im just an instructional designer 2 😔

Jacob WyNOTsocki, you know what I mean?

viva la wednesday

i think "Twistin' The Night Away" by Sam Cooke might be the best song of all time

i think the universe yearns for experience

Atlanta is the next Hollywood. cleveland is the next atlanta

"I have senior moments" "I have seen your moments"

kids these days are so whippersnapper-pilled

an entire generation of kids heard the phrase "sponge boy me bob" and never recovered

on 30 rock when tracy jordan says "watch your mouth before i show you the back of my hand" and "please me nice to me" is written on the back of his hand... might be the best joke of all time

my boss told me to write in active voice but she doesn't know what active voice is. she meant present tense. someone else on my team who doesn't know anything suggested a ton of edits to what i wrote. do they not realize

i love the fancy like applebees song

i am helplessly bound to the will and whim of local circuitry

just had a real life "these pretzels are making me thirsty" moment (ate some pretzels and got thirsty)

i miss my dad

coolest thing about me is that in fourth grade I was on a soccer team called the Haiku Metallic Ninjas

if i could remove one word from the english language it would be bro (which includes bruh). the boys say it too much

feels special that we get a leap day and a solar eclipse within like 40 days of each other

i have been brought to the same conclusion again and again through all my hopeless spirals and half-starts and that conclusion is this: my life will never make sense to me, at least not in any satisfying way, and so it may as well be entirely arbitrary and meaningless. and i just have to live and get through it because there are no other options. just along for the ride. I'll never have an idea so powerful that it changes the world. or maybe I will. but either way, it won't be by my design in the abstract. it will happen to me. life is only happening to me, I don't make any of it happen even though it sure does feel like I do. I'm just here to see it. see the show. and this is all part of it. it's all part of it.

i will always be a failure

imagine a rain so beautiful it must never have existed

very odd to feel completely inspired and completely discouraged simultaneously

quoth the raven, eat my shorts

social media should have an "acknowledge" button in addition to like/heart/whatever

can't sleep, clown'll eat me

is the best way to get news just by Google searching the word "news"

i think 100 grand is an extremely funny name for a candy bar.

i think comedy should not include jokes. it should just be funny without commentary

life is a run-out-the-clock situation. but not really

if I had $20 million dollars I would be the best father of all time

Santa's pants. Santa claus's pants

I believe chandler says this on friends

wondering how long I can keep this up

hoping it all comes together soon

hoping to feel crescendo catharsis again