Some of what being an ‘owner’ means to me

i've been an ‘owner’, in the kink sense, for well over a decade now, across two different relationships. In one relationship, a former partner (now friend) was my ‘property’:

And nowadays, i have an owner/‘possession’ dynamic with a current long-term partner.

i get the impression that for many people, this sort of ‘ownership’ implies sexual and/or romantic exclusivity. This has never been the case in terms of my own dynamics in this regard, nor would i want it to be; quite the opposite. Part of how i want to use and enjoy the person i ‘own’ is to share them with other people, so that they can get use and enjoyment out of my ‘property’ / ‘possession’ as well.

More generally, someone being my ‘property’ / ‘possession’ means they belong to me, such that i have a responsibility to look after them, as well as to use them for my own needs and wants. This was reflected in the kink contract i mentioned above:

3. Alexis must acknowledge and respect X's hard limits, as specified in the annex to this document.

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4. Alexis must care for X's physical, mental and emotional health.

And it's within this context that i expect submission and obedience from the person i own:

7. X acknowledges she is the property of Alexis, and must obey any lawful instruction given by Alexis. X must use her safewords when she reaches her limits.

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8. X acknowledges Alexis' pleasure is X's pleasure; in particular, X must make use of herself as Alexis directs her.

The second sentence of paragraph 7 is intended to counter the notion that it's some kind of _failure_ to safeword when a limit has been reached, which is something that at least some subs worry about (and which certain ‘dominants’ unethically take advantage of). The idea is: you're not at all ‘failing’ when you safeword, you're successfully obeying an explicit instruction.

For me, being an ‘owner’ doesn't at all mean i no longer have to respect the fundamental bodily autonomy of the person i own. Even where, in some senses, it gives me more ‘rights’, those ‘rights’ are tempered by the fact that i strongly feel i also have more _responsibilities_ towards that person.

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🏷 kink,psychology