A hopeful update

06.07.25

Quite a bit changed after I wrote my first log on here. I tried to write two others, one titled "on my fictional audience", one on the reason I chose to publish in the geminispace. I did not complete the logs for several reasons. The most striking reason is that I forgot about them. Both essentially shared the same idea: I believe that the environment here is very welcoming and positive. That belief has been supported by the lovely entry that the fellow yesterweb user rabbit wrote into my guestbook. Thank you, rabbit!

The change that I would especially like to write about now is something else, though. A few weeks ago, I visited a good friend of mine who was lucky enough to enroll at a rather prestigious british university before Brexit. For the biggest part of each day, we discussed shared interests in philosophy. We did not have to worry about anything else (apart of being on time for breakfast at the college dining hall, maybe). It was wonderful.

There are several "maybe"-thoughts that my visit sparked in me:

Maybe writing was not the main issue, but my motivation to do philosophy.

Maybe I should see a doctor.

Maybe it could be ADHD.

Maybe I should give that application for a PhD position a try.

It is the last maybe that governed the entire week after my stay. I did only have that one week time. And there was a lot to write. Not only did I need to gather all the common documents for an application. I needed to come up with a research proposal. Furthermore - and most horribly - I had to get a 20 page writing sample on paper.

I do not fully know how I did it - apart of getting supportive and helpful comments by my friends - but somehow I managed to submit the application (almost) in time (it was 4:00 AM on the day after the deadline when I sent the e-mail, but the person recieving the application had mercy with me). Apparently, both the writing sample and the research project absolutely convinced the professor as they offered me the position right on the day after the job interview.

Not even three months after my first log, more than two years after my master's thesis, the chapter of stagnation finally comes to an end. Just like that, I might have the best possible opportunity to write a PhD in the german university system. I cannot put in words how this feels.

There is still a long way to go. I still need to write the thesis. I would still like to understand whether ADHD might be a thread in my biography (maybe I will write more on that in a different log). But for now, for once, I am hopeful.