12/2/25

4:14pm

Was literally weeping happy tears of gratitude earlier today… Joseph & R came in from playing in the snow while I wore L and did some food prep, he made her lunch, then after he played guitar while R danced in her princess dress and crown singing and telling him to play louder, while L slept snuggly against me in my wrap.

12/5/25

9:39pm

My dad, sister, and two nieces (10 & 13) came over tonight to meet L for the first time. R loves her cousins so much. It was so special seeing our four girls together on the couch, E reading them all a story with R curled up in her lap and I holding L. Big tears from R when they left.

I wish they’d visit more. I don’t remember the last time they came over to our house. It’s always us going over to theirs.

R asks us every morning what we were dreaming about. I’ve been sleeping so hard I haven’t been remembering my dreams like I usually do. R says she’s been dreaming about princesses and doggies. Before that it was piggies.

L is so squeaky. She coos in a way I feel like it took R a month to do.

I wonder if her eyes will be brown like her sister’s and her dad’s, or blue like mine.

Today was a tougher day; particularly in the morning. L’s sleep wasn’t great last night, and she spit up a crazy amount so we had to deal with that and it made me worried about her. Joseph ended up staying awake holding her for almost 3 hours since she wouldn’t go down to sleep in the bassinet; and the next day is always hard on little sleep.

My dad was stressing me out via text earlier.

I’m having major fomo with all of the holiday things and activities that I can’t take R to yet, like a mom friend’s card decorating party and the holiday themed F4M playgroups. Just feel like I’m missing out on making all those memories with her that I would otherwise be doing and it makes me really sad. She’s such a fun age right now and wants to do all the Christmas things, but we’re stuck at home and I have no energy to setup a craft or sensory bin for her here.

Breakfast with Santa tomorrow morning and our city’s Christmas tree lighting tomorrow night. Hoping those things will make me feel better about missing out, and hoping they give me the confidence/inertia to go out with both girls more. L’s immune system is still so young though. I’m nervous about breakfast with Santa, but it was small last year in a church basement and I will wear her and keep her close. Idk. Trying to balance mom guilt with reasonable anxiety, physical health and mental health.